179. This Year Will Be Different -- If You Change What Actually Matters With Money

Is this the year your money finally changes—or will it quietly turn into another restart?

If you feel like you have too many money goals and no clear starting point, this episode is for you. Money & Legacy Coach Laura Sexton explains why motivation isn’t the problem—and why trying harder has never been the solution. Most people struggle because everything feels urgent, priorities compete, and decision fatigue takes over.

In this episode, you’ll learn why clear constraints matter more than willpower, how wrong expectations cause people to quit even when they’re doing the right things, and why real financial change requires support—not just information.

This isn’t a full system or a quick fix. It’s the mindset shift that makes lasting change possible.

If nothing changes, nothing changes—but the good news is, you get to choose what changes.

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This year will be different unless nothing changes. If you feel like you've got a hundred money goals and no clear starting point, this episode, it's for you. Hey, I'm Laura Sexton, money and Legacy coach. I'm here today to help you make the most of your money. I want you to ditch debt, build wealth, and lead a life you love without giving up what you want most. This episode is not going to be a full system. This is more about a mindset shift that makes the full system possible. Everything right now feels urgent. If you saw the mixup mashup of my to-do list, you would understand that I am in this weird bucket of everything feels urgent. And some of it is. Some of it's like, Hey, I need this right now. Some of it's due tomorrow, some of it's due later this week. And so all of it feels urgent. But if you don't know. What to focus on. You can keep going with the urgent, urgent, urgent, urgent, urgent. And then the most important things don't get done. Just because you're putting out fires doesn't mean that you're cooking dinner. I don't know if that analogy works, but it works for me. So this is why people restart. They restart over and over and over, and they restart the same year over and over and over again. You never get to the meat of anything. So let's talk about what actually makes a year different, because it's certainly not trying harder. Trust me, there is such a thing as January motivation. If you're listening to this in real time. It's January 20th and we've already passed Quitting day. Quitting day was last week, which shocking to me, quitting day comes so much earlier. It used to be February 14th. It used to be Valentine's Day. People would quit. Motivation can be super loud at the beginning of January, especially at the gym. Everybody knows you go to the gym January one and it's packed, but by February 14th it's back to normal and everybody can go and it's no big deal life. Real life has gotten back on track on January 1st. Most everybody's still on break. So it's easy to start when we're feeling motivated and we don't have work and we don't have school drop offs, and we don't have real life to go to. So if motivation is your plan, you're going to fail because motivation doesn't stay. And I don't want you to feel like you're failing. I don't want you to actually fail. So what are we gonna do? Most people, they're gonna say, I just need more motivation. But what you actually need is a clear constraint, also known as a boundary. So I, which one of those sounds better? People get weird about the word boundary, so I was trying not to use it, but the word constraint also sounds weirdly. Inappropriate. So I'm not a hundred percent sure which of these to use. I'm just gonna go with constraint 'cause that's what I wrote down in my notes. A constraint's like a guardrail. Or boundary. Okay. This boundary that has been put in place for you. And we sometimes get really hung up on boundaries because we seem to think of them as nos. We seem to think of them as, no, you can't go past this. There's like a hard line and it's a no. A boundary is really just choosing what you're going to say yes to. When you're living inside the guardrails, you can go as fast as you want. You don't have to worry about the turns and twist of life because the guardrails keep you in. They keep you safe. You are staying here on this path. It's when you go over the guardrails that the road gets super bumpy. That's, or if you fall off a cliff. Having clear constraints, clear guardrails, clear boundaries, reduces your decision fatigue. And let me just go ahead and guess that if you are anything at all like me, you know, decision fatigue, I have started making meal plans weeks in advance. Because I cannot decide. If you were going to ask me what's for dinner tonight at this point, it's 4:00 PM When I'm recording this, I have no idea. Not a clue, but thankfully for me, I decided a week ago what we were having for dinner. And so this morning at eight o'clock in the morning, I started my crockpot and we are going to be having chicken pot pie and I'm very excited about that. Getting rid of decision fatigue is done by creating the meal plan. I woke up this morning knowing that I didn't have to worry about what was for lunch, and I didn't have to worry about what was for dinner. I had already made the plan. Reduction of decision fatigue is one of the biggest blessings that I can give to myself, and I'm hoping that I can give that to you. What I want you to do is turn your chaos into something that feels calm and is something that you can actually follow To keep it money focused. I want you to set one goal, not 12 goals. 12 goals is insanity. 12 goals has you out of integrity, because there's no way that you can be a hundred percent focused on 12 different goals. You just can't. When I started this year, I said, I have these 12 goals, and I do because I have all kinds of goals for myself. I have all kinds of ideas and thoughts and plans, and I want to do everything I really do. I have a hard time telling myself, no, that's why I need guardrails. I had set for myself 12 different goals, but I can't do all of them at once. There's absolutely no possible way that I can do all 12 of those at once, so I'm picking three. I'm doing those three now. Some of them are going to fall off. Some of them are for the entire year, so my, we eat at home with the exception of four meals a month. That's staying all year. That one's not going anywhere. My goal to read 24 books this year, that's probably gonna last me all year because I have fallen off the reading wagon and I would love to get back on. I'm not on it right now. But I have other things like getting and staying two weeks ahead of my Bible study for my class that I'm leading, that's not gonna be all year. That's only a couple of months. I think that it's very important when it comes to our money that we stay in integrity and in alignment, and the best way to do that is to pick one financial goal, hit it, knock it out, complete it. Then move on to something else. So one focus, and I don't need you to be perfect. We're gonna keep a simple plan with simple rules that are going to have these guardrails. So this is not constant decision making. We're going to create defaults. And it's going to make life so much simple. This connects to the next piece because even with constraints, most people still quit because their expectations are wrong. So we have to talk about the expectation cap. Most people expect change to feel good, and I don't know why, because our animal brain thinks change is terrible. But for whatever reason in the beginning of January, we think change is gonna be great. I'm gonna have so much fun going to the gym. I've got all these cute clothes. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna have fun. Nope. By this time, this month, it's starting to get hard. What about with your money? I know there are a lot of people that are like, I'm gonna pay off debt in January. I really wanna go out to eat. Change is hard and very rarely does it feel good. Clarity also doesn't come fast like we think it will, and none of this is a straight line, but real change feels like discomfort before it feels like confidence. We have to go through the hard parts. That's just how it is. We have to get through the hard parts and we have to get really uncomfortable so that we can prove to ourselves that we can achieve it. It's not going to be a clear cut, easy field, easy road ahead. We have to go through the bumps. That's what the guardrails are for, to keep you in line even if things get difficult. What's gonna be really important for you is going to be defining your success because progress is showing up every day. Progress is fewer restarts. Progress is a system that you can return to. It doesn't have to be, I'm hitting every single one of my goals every single day, and I never mess up. Progress is, I created this system and even though I messed up yesterday, I can jump right back on this horse. It's not a big deal because if you're, if you're expectations don't match reality, you're gonna quit. Even when you're doing the right things, if your expectations aren't being met, you'll quit. So let's get practical. I'm going to give you one question that can change your whole year. Are you ready? What actually has to change for this year to be different? I need you to get tactical, practical here. What actually has to change for something to change in you? Because nothing changes unless something changes. So as you're writing this down, what actually has to change for this year to be different? Not what do you want to change, not what do you hope is going to change? What is actually going to change? What has to change structurally? Here are a few places to look because there are ones that I've had to look at myself. Just notice which one of these hits you. Okay. Number one, do you need fewer goals? I started with 12 and I had to narrow it down to three because there's no way I could do all th all 12. I have to narrow it down to make it easier. Do you need clearer rules on spending? This is a really big one. If you are able to adjust your spending based on some clear cut rules, things are gonna be easier for you. Like we only go out to eat once a week. Instead of, I'm constantly going out Starbucks run. Hey guys. Starbucks run counts as going out to eat. So if you wanna go out to dinner with your family on Friday, you can't go out to Starbucks on Monday. Having a clear cut rule for your spending is going to make life so much easier. We're getting rid of decision fatigue. Can I go out to eat right now? Hmm? Does it fit within my one day a week? You don't have to decide, mom. I really wanna go to Chick-fil-A. Guess what? I'm so sorry guys. It's not today. Your decision is clear. Woo, clear rules for spending. So good. Do you need a weekly rhythm? So money isn't random. Maybe instead of going to the grocery store whenever you feel like it, you only go on Wednesday. That's what we do unless we are out of milk, which I feel like we are going through even faster now than before. And I thought we were going through a gallon every other day and now it feels like every day I'm having to buy more milk. It's getting ridiculous. I'm glad my kids are getting some healthy substance, so I'm not mad at it, but whoa, Do you need a decision made so you can stop renegotiating? If you are struggling right now to make a decision and you were negotiating and negotiating with yourself, why don't we sit down and have a talk and I will help you very clearly decide once and for all what that decision is, and we will hold it for the entire year without you going back and forth and round and round. That brings me to question five. Do you need support? Because doing it alone keeps failing That last one, support matters more than people want to admit. So quickly, let's talk about why. When we're in a marriage, a lot of times we think support's built in, but unless you have a system of talking about money. It can be very difficult to create healthy money conversations. And if you are single, who do you have to talk to about money to help you make these decisions? We don't expect people to get healthy alone. We don't expect people to build a career alone, but money, we think we should just figure it out. On her own without help, because that's what everybody else has always done, right? No. When my mom was in school, they taught how to balance a checkbook. They taught how to write checks. They taught you how to create a budget for your family that was taught in school. Why is it not taught now? I don't want there to be any shame or guilt around money. I want you to take ownership of your money and your life and what you want most in this world. That takes having accountability, that takes having a sounding board, that takes having somebody around you who loves you, who wants to see you make the change that you want to make. I don't wanna tell you what to do, just I don't. But I do wanna help you make a decision because information's gonna tell you what to do. Support will help you do it. When you're tired, you're stressed, you're discouraged, you're tempted to quit. Does that sound like you? Right now, we are 20 days into the new year, and so many of you are so tired, you just don't wanna keep going anymore. Nothing changes if nothing changes. And for many people, the change is not another spreadsheet. The change is no longer doing this alone. This year can be different if that's what you want, and it's not gonna be different because you try harder, but it's gonna be different because you set those guardrails in place, you adjust your expectations, and you get the support that you need. This year will be different unless nothing changes. And the good news is you get to choose what changes. If you want help turning this into a real plan today, I would absolutely love to have a conversation with you about it. Let's jump on a clarity call where we can talk through where your starting line is and where it is you're going so we can set a path for you to walk. You don't have to walk it alone. If you want to stay and walk with me, I would absolutely love to coach you through it. If you need help, if you need support, if you need to make a decision and you don't know how to do it on your own because you're overwhelmed, let's jump on a clarity call. I would absolutely love to chat with you. Okay. You get to choose what changes. I'm cheering for you. That's it for this week. Accelerators go out and make a difference. I.